If you can’t find the time… Let’s make it!
If you’re anything like me, I’m guessing reading a title like that makes you breathe a little bit of a sigh of relief.
Ah, finally. I’m going to be able to do that thing I’ve been dreaming of for the past few years!
I just have one caveat before I get started:
Making time for the things you love can be messy.
Sometimes, it means you have to have something on the calendar during your free time.
Or that you have to give something up in order to make it work.
Or that people are upset with you because you’re taking time for something that matters to you instead of something that matters to them.
This isn’t necessarily an easy task.
Sometimes, making time for the things you love means that you have to give up good things in order to chase great things.
At other times, you may have to face other people’s disgust when you’re choosing something that matters to you instead of something that matters to them.
And at still other times, it’s going to require you to sacrifice hours that you might’ve otherwise spent enjoyably because you have a goal and you’re going after it.
That’s why we’re going to start, not by looking at your calendar, but by looking at your motivation.
Step 1: Get REALLY CLEAR on what you love and why you want more of it.
Let’s face it- with the thing that you’ve been putting off doing, there’s probably a reason for it.
It might be because it’s inconvenient.
It might be because you haven’t been willing to say no to other things in order to go after it.
It might be because your dream is so big that it scares you a little.
I’ve been in all of those situations, and I’ve found that instead of feeling guilty about the fact that I haven’t met a goal, it helps me to take a step back and ask myself why I want this thing, and be able to articulate it to myself super clearly.
This may require you to ask yourself “why?” several times until you get to the real root behind it.
Let’s say you want to write a book. The process for getting clear on why you want to do that might go as follows:
Okay, so why do I want to write a book?
Well, I have this cool story idea that I’ve been playing around with for a bit, and I’d like to see if I can turn it into a book.
Why do I want to turn it into a book? Why not just keep it as a fun thing to do sometimes, when my mind wanders off?
Because I want to be able to share it with others!
Why do I want to be able to share it with others?
Well, I guess because it’s hard to explain the whole plot of a book that’s in my head to someone else. I’d like for them to be able to read it and experience it for themselves.
Why do you think they need to experience it for themselves?
Because it’s a beautiful story- it’s the kind of book I wish there were more of out there… It’s the kind of book I’d want to read, myself. And I want to give that joy to others.
We could keep going, but I think you get the point. If what you come up with- in this case, creating a book that’s the kind of story you’d like to read & giving that joy to others- is a compelling reason for you, then you’ve found your motivation.
If it’s not, keep asking.
A couple of notes here:
- Your reason doesn’t have to be altruistic. You might want to learn how to do computer coding because you think you’d be good at it and you want to make more money. That’s 100% fine.
The key here is that you have to settle on a reason that is compelling to you.
Otherwise, this thing you want to do is probably never going to happen.
- When asking these questions, it’s important to be honest with yourself.
You may have set a goal because you feel like that’s what you “should” do, fit in with people you like, or because you feel it’s expected.
Doing this exercise might just set you free from your own expectations.
Step 2: Figure out how much time you need
Some pursuits take longer than others.
For example, I love reading and am at my happiest when I’m able to do it for at least 30 minutes a day- which means that, in an ideal world, I’m devoting at least 3.5 hours per week to it.
If, however, I’m wanting to take a trip to the farmer’s market once a month, I’m probably going to only spend around an hour or two per month.
Once you know how much time you’d ideally want to put toward your pursuit, you can start thinking about ways to make it happen.
Step 3: Look at your current schedule
Now it’s time to get your calendar.
What things are currently on your list in a typical week, and how much time do they take?
Be realistic, here, and try to include as many things as possible.
(This isn’t the most fun thing to do, so I’m currently trying to develop a tool to help! Stay tuned.)
We’re going to use this in the next step!
Step 4: Eliminate things to make room for what you truly want
Okay, here’s the not-so-fun part.
What can you get rid of so that you have time to do a thing you truly care about?
There are five basic ways you can do this:
- Stop doing something that you currently do on a regular basis (or do it less)
- Say no to new commitments until you’ve created space for things you truly love
- Outsource
- Find ways to do things faster
- Double up on tasks
Let’s go through them together, shall we?
Stop doing something that you currently do on a regular basis (or do it less)
This one comes in two basic flavors: crossing events off your calendar and lowering your standards.
Crossing events off your calendar looks like this: if you currently meet up with your friends three times a week after work, consider skipping one night per week in order to work on your dream. If you usually unwind by watching tv before going to bed, consider working on a project for an hour instead.
Please note: I’m not saying you should optimize your time to be super-productive all the time.
That works for some people, but I have a puppy brain that needs a lot of rest and relaxation to keep my energy up during the day.
If you’re like me, you’re going to need time to socialize, relax, and truly turn your brain off in order to be at your best during the day- so you need to make time for the things that fill you up!
Lowering your standards might look something like this: instead of vacuuming your floors 3x a week, accept that they may get a little dirty sometimes and that’s okay. Set a new goal for yourself of vacuuming once per week. Now, every time you see something on your floor, it’s a reminder that you’re making time (even if it’s less than perfect) to go after your goals.
Say no to new commitments until you’ve created space for things you truly love
Oof. This one is strict, sure, but if people-pleasing has been holding you back from chasing your dreams, you may need to press the pause button for a little while on new commitments, until you can establish a rhythm for including the things that are important to you. (More on this, later!)
One caveat: I’m hesitant to even include this one because, unlike the other options on the list, it’s not a good fit for everyone.
As an introvert, I know I can over-use “no,” especially when it comes to showing up for other people. If this is your tendency, too, make sure that you don’t start to use your goals as a shield- you need other people, and isolating yourself to get to where you want to go is a reallllllly good way to make all of your hard work meaningless.
At the same time, it’s the perfect thing if you feel like you’re the person who’s always putting other people’s dreams ahead of your own.
So just use this one responsibly, okay?
Outsource
If you can, pay a little extra to make more time in your schedule.
You can get groceries delivered instead of making a list and trekking to the store. (Companies like InstaCart make this super simple, and some grocery stores, like Kroger, make it super affordable- we currently have grocery delivery for $60/year plus tips)
You can hire someone to come in once a week and clean your house.
You can hire a coach that will help you get better and faster at things that typically slow you down- like meetings at work, or keeping your house organized.
You can hire a babysitter to watch your kids for a couple of hours while you work to get something over the finish line.
Shoot, you can even hire your kids to do tasks around the house (this may also involve you “lowering your standards” a bit, but that’s a great way for them to gain confidence and have some spending money)
If you don’t have time to mow your lawn, there are plenty of companies that you can pay to do it for you.
These are just a few examples! It comes down to this: if it feels like something is consistently taking more of your time than it should, and you have the means to pay someone else to do it, this is a really effective way of clearing up more time for the things you love.
Find ways to do things faster
You may be surprised to know that the way you do everything might not be the most efficient way to do it.
I know. I was shocked when I learned this too.
My husband is obsessed with efficiency and makes systems for everything. Me? Not so much.
No matter where you fall on the spectrum, there are probably a few things you can learn to do faster.
Does cooking take a while? Consider reorganizing your kitchen so that the ingredients and pots and pans that you use are all close to the stove and fridge. You can also try batch cooking so that you only have to cook and clean up once per week.
Does shopping for household items take a while? Can you schedule a few things to be delivered regularly from Amazon?
Does your commute take a significant part of your day? What if you could use public transport so that you could multitask, or negotiate with your boss to work from home one day a week?
If you’re looking, there are usually things you wish you could do faster. Brainstorm ideas for how to make them more efficient, or (if possible) hire a professional or read a book to help you get a little more time back in your day.
Double up on tasks
I’ve mentioned this before and called it “layering” tasks, but the concept here is this:
Do what you can to combine things on your calendar, so that you create more joy for yourself AND create more space for things you love that take your full attention.
If you need to go shopping, grab that friend who’s been trying to schedule coffee with you and go!
If you need to read a book for book club, get the audiobook and listen to it while you meal prep.
Basically, if there’s a way you can do two things at once & clear up some space on your calendar, do it!
Step 5: Create a rhythm that incorporates what you love
Okay, now that you’ve found your why, figured out how much time you need, and made the time to do it, it’s time to actually do the thing you’re wanting to do!
Yay!
Here’s my suggestion: actually schedule time to do this thing. Know when & where & for how long you’re going to do it every week or month.
If I don’t get super specific with stuff like this, I have a way of letting the catastrophe of the moment overtake my higher aspirations.
No more! You’ve waited too long. You’ve worked too hard for this.
It’s time to see it through.
I’d love to know: what are you going to use this process to make time for?